Don't Put Those Eggs in Your Basket: Please Don't Put That Up There - Part Four
Last year about this time, I did a series of posts about ridiculous things people were advising others to put in their vaginas - from steam, cannabis laced tampons, to teeny tiny tea bags. It seemed like a trend to find new and exciting, and potentially very unsanitary and dangerous, things to put inside you.
I'd like to say this trend has died down but it hasn't. It seems we just can't get away from people who want to tell us that our vaginas are a problem and they have a solution.
What's the latest thing you're supposed to stuff up inside you? Jade eggs.
I've been aware of jade eggs for a long time, they've been around in one form or another probably centuries, but they've never really been a big deal. I've had several requests for them over the last few weeks and I've been wondering why people are so interested now. Yesterday, I finally found the answer. Gywneth Paltrow thinks they are the bomb.
According Paltrow's jade egg expert, these egg-shaped stones have the power to cleanse and detox your vagina. Fans, apparently, say that it improves orgasms, muscle tone, and hormone balance.
I've said it before and I will say it again. Your vagina does not need to be detoxed! It is not toxic and does not need to be cleansed. Vaginas clean themselves naturally. The only time any sort of clearing is necessary is when an infection results from something upsetting the natural flora and fauna. That requires anti-bacterial or anti-fungal treatment. A jade egg is neither of those things.
There is also absolutely no possible way that a stone could change your hormone balance. You probably don't need to change your hormones, but if you did, rock will not do it.
There is some merit to the idea that a weight like this can help improve pelvic floor tone but this is not the best way to achieve this. Firstly, these eggs are just one single solid weight. The better types of tools for this are sets of weights that start out very light and get a little heavier and also have moving pieces inside that respond to your movement, providing some feedback for you to work with. Second, the shape of this is difficult to insert and to remove. The 'egg expert' recommend drilling a hole in it and putting a string through so you can pull it out easier. That will compromise the integrity of the egg, possibly creating cracks that could harbor bacteria. The hole and the string itself will also be hard to keep clean of bacteria. Third, any kind of stone is porous. Unless these eggs are sealed with a non-porous body safe substance like polyurethane plastic, they will absorb dirt and bacteria. This poses a risk of infection with future use. The egg lady actually advises people to sleep with the eggs inserted. If the egg is porous, that is a particularly bad idea.
If you'd like to tone your pelvic floor, you can learn from actual gynecologists and physio therapists how best to do this, with or without tools like weights. This is a real thing that is important for most of us, but putting a heavy porous object in your vagina for long periods of time is not the way to do it.
This jade egg talk seems benign enough and even empowering and beautiful. The site talks a lot about harnessing female energy and honoring your feminine. But telling people that their vaginas are toxic, dirty, and unbalanced is not empowering and it certainly isn't honoring the feminine.
Please, please, believe me when I say, your vagina, your uterus, and your vulva are all just fine the way they are. You don't need a magic egg.